Professor Albatross

#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen

YOUR PROFESSOR TAKES YOU ON A DATE.

albatross

I love school. I love learning. That is just who I am. So, naturally, on occasion I visit office hours of my various professors. I ask Professor A (PROFA) if I can set up a meeting with him since my schedule did not accommodate his office hours.

It started with emails from my school email to his school email…

Then my school email to his private email…

And then we were texting.

I know, that sounds weird, but it was totally one of those “it’s just easier to reach me this way” kind of thing. (But really PROFA was just making sure his shit was untraceable.)

“Do you like lunchthings?”

He asks. Well, being a human who occasionally consumes food, I reply

“Yes”

I began to wonder if this was strange, but I remembered seeing student/teacher pairs getting meals together at the on-campus deli that I worked at. So I shrugged, and figured

Oh, this is how that works.

We decide on a time/day/place to meet (on campus). So I am waiting there, yanno, with my back pack on and stuff when he rolls up in an SUV. He rolls down the window, and calls me over to his car. I almost didn’t recognize him because we was wearing

SUNGLASSES AND A BASEBALL CAP.

Now the whole authority figure, pressure, trapped feeling thing kicks in. I get into his car and we start to drive to a deli downtown. We are driving through campus when all of a sudden, he ducks, then tells me

HE IS MISSING A CLASS RIGHT NOW.

#whathaveigottenmyselfinto??

#kidnapping

#milkcartonkid

We get our sandwiches, sit in a park, eat the sandwiches and talk (not about the class despite my several failed attempts to bring it up). We go back to his car, he drives me home (to the apartment that I share with my BOYFRIEND). He says something like

“Let’s do this again sometime.”

And I wonder what the hell just happened as I greet my boyfriend, give him a hug and a kiss, delete PROFA’s phone number, all of his emails and pretend like nothing ever happened. The semester goes on almost like normal without much awkwardness or mention of the “lunchthing”. I figure it has all blown over. But then the semester ended…

I receive an email:

“Finally, the semester is over, blah, blah, I want to see you again, bleh, bleh, this weekend?” – PROFA

I reply something like:

“Sorry for the misunderstanding, I have a boyfriend, we’ve been dating for years, I love him very much etc, etc.” – ME

He responds like a true gentleman:

“Often our first love is the albatross in our lives. By the way, what we went on was a date, we flirted. You liked me and I liked you. How’s the weather?” – PROFA

UM WUT??????

The first thing I did was google define the word albatross.

  1. oceanic bird with long narrow wings
  2. psychological burden that feels like a curse

Context tells me he was going for the second definition. I swiftly come to the realization that privileged, asshole men like him are the albatross in my life not my LOVING boyfriend. Then I type a long angry response email and never send it.

I delete everything, even from my trash folder.

In retrospect, I should have saved the emails and gotten him fired, but what can I say? I was a

SILLY 19 YEAR OLD.

Oh yeah, I didn’t tell you the best part…

He was my Professor of Ethics.

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