Oh Desperation, I Want You Now…

Let’s talk clingers.

I am not sure why girls always get the bad rep for being desperate and clingy because in my personal experience I have gotten the brunt of cling wrap supreme, the whole press and seal deal from men. Although, being a woman I am perceptive. So if I am texting a guy and I sense that he isn’t feeling it that much, or isn’t as extensive in his texts as he has been in the past I’m not like,

“Hey what’s wrong??”

“Are you okay?”

“Let’s hang out soon. I feel like we haven’t talked in person in foreveerrrrrr!!”

Naw, I just don’t text him as much. I REFLECT the energy he is giving off. Because I know there is nothing as repulsive as DESPERATION, ironic isn’t it? The more they try to claw for you the more you wanna be like,

“dude, gtfo”

Can I also get one word in about this “TEXTING GAME”? So I don’t have a smart phone (repeat don’t have a smart phone). I know, I know what kind of millennial am I? What can I say, I’m an anomaly. So I am not constantly on my phone, and texting isn’t as easy as it is on a smart phone (I mean, you remember high school, right? t9 shit). Also I have two jobs and an internship so I am always busy AF. Finally, I straight up don’t like texting so sometimes I won’t text someone back for hours (or even days) simply because I don’t “feel” like it. In short,  I don’t spend hours crafting the perfectly witty response or wringing my fists about time in between texts. I just reply what I want when I want. Boom.

With that prelude out of the way,

Let me tell you the story of the man who self destructed…

So this guy, an alright guy. I have known him a while through mutual friends, handsome enough, funny enough – yanno, nothing I was head over heels for, but he was there. He isn’t from Chicago so he offers to come visit me for a day or two. I was like “sure”. I mean, I didn’t take off work or anything. If he wants to come, why not let him, right? So he comes and yadda yadda, show him around the city, get a little drunk, etc etc. and I’m like, “okay bye“.

Except now this dude, lets call him CLING, CLING thinks we are going to date or something. He literally texted me,

“Lets date”

and like a nice, reasonable young woman, I replied (this time with haste),

lol no

I was so very confused. I thought the arrangement we had made was like every guy’s dream. Hot, cool girl in a kick ass city, down to get down, no strings attached. What more could you want? Plus I live 6 hours away from the guy. I am not about to drive there any time soon. I was fine with him coming to visit me, but I didn’t INVITE him, yanno, I wasn’t like “PLEASE COME VISIT ME, I’M SO LONELY HERE IN CHICAGO” no, I have  great time here.

Anyways so I keep it real with this dude, text him back every once in a while. And one day he just completely destroys any kind of chance he could have had at hooking up with me ever again. And I did nothing to stop him. I literally did nothing. He was sending text after text after text and I just kind of let him. All in all, it saved me a lot of energy.

So, let me leave you with some words of wisdom about desperation. If you are in a situation where you kind of feel like you are always the one initiating conversations, sending paragraph texts and receiving one word responses, exclusive with them but unsure if they are exclusive with you etc. Let me help ya out.

  1. Like I said before, REFLECT their energy. Be yourself, I implore you, but pushing them harder when they are backing off a little is a sure way from them to jump off your dick completely. Don’t show your crazy cards too quickly. You wanna wait, like, a year into a relationship before you let your partner know that you are actually insane. Chances are, they are just busy with stuff, or you will find out that they aren’t that into you. Either way, you find out eventually. Don’t stress. Just let it play out.
  2. Take off the rose-tinted glasses and look back into your memory (like that scene in 500 days of Summer). Look at it realistically, not romantically and THEN assess the situation. Pretty, funny, cool girls can give you the ILLUSION that you are in a more exclusive situation than you are actually in. They are good at doing that, so you pay for their drinks and stuff. It is a skill.
  3. Most importantly, remember, IF THEY WANTED TO BE WITH YOU, THEY WOULD BE WITH YOU!!! This happens to all of us. I am not immune to it either, I am just receptive to it. I, too have experienced being more into a guy than he is into me, but I am in touch with reality and I realize that I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS. I am not about to waste my time with someone who doesn’t treat me the way I should be treated. So I’m just like “alright cya” and I am on to the next one. We all need to know what we are worth.

All in all, at the end of the day you are great, amazing, interesting, don’t waste your time with someone like me who is going to treat you like shit. You rock, go rock some lucky girl or guy’s socks.

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11 thoughts on “Oh Desperation, I Want You Now…

  1. Been guilty of this from time to time. I know logically you are right, and I stay disciplined, and in most cases I feel it too, but there have been those embarrassing moments when I lost control. Sometimes I wonder what could have been if I hadn’t been such an idiot.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My rule is one call, one text and if they don’t reply, I am on to the next one. If I have kept it honest, then they know how I feel and if I am meant to be with them, yanno it is all a wibbly wobbly timey-wimey thing (to quote The Doctor) and fate will bring us back together. If not, it was what it was. Plenty of fish.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ahh, a fellow Whovian. Sadly, there often isn’t a next one for me. Being a married man I’m left with little more than table scraps most of the time from the banquet of online dating. All the same, clingy behavior will push away what little comes my way. I don’t follow rules necessarily, just my intuition. Perhaps silly, but as a male, I feel the need to lead the conversation, set the pace, and take new steps in the relationship. But, if I’m getting the vibe that there isn’t mutual interest, it is time to back off (except that one time when I lost my shit, never live that down).

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, I am still mourning the fact that it isn’t on Netflix anymore.
        Yeah, I have never done that online dating thing. Not tinder or anything. I just meet people, you know, in real life. haha but then again, I do live in a highly populated city where there are lots of bars and small concerts full of strangers my age etc. Also when you meet someone in person you know right away whether you have chemistry or not.
        I think initiation of conversations should happen from both sides ideally, although, if I know a guy is in a relationship I don’t usually start a conversation because I don’t want to fuck him over from the wrong person seeing the message pop up on the iphone screen or something. It is more about being aware of the situation for me. Not about to overstep my boundaries, yanno?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Sounds like we are in different worlds. Once I got married almost all of my time evaporated, what was left vaporized away with the baby. I never go to bars or concerts anymore, no place where I can meet strangers. I meet and interact with tons of people, but these are business and friend relationships, very high risk to try anything.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Different worlds indeed. Although I can relate. I lived in that world once. About six years of dating and living with my ex while going to school and working. In contrast to what you are looking for in partners (or how it appears to an outsider) I never craved just sex. I craved intimacy. I recognize that there is a certain comfort in anonymity (reminds me of “Perfect Day for a Bananafish” by J.D. Salinger or “Passion” by Alice Munro). Anonymity is a relief after constantly being with someone who knows everything about you, your stinky feet smell, what a mess you are when you are sick, who they think you are despite who you’ve become, all the mistakes you have made. But there is something so special about revealing your deepest darkest secrets and flaws to a near stranger, and even though they don’t “know” you per se, they may “understand” you in a way your partner does not. I definitely need high intensity, highly intimate situations to get me interested at all. Sex is just so easy to come by, it in itself is a bore.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I don’t think I crave just sex a la carte. Sexual and emotional intimacy are not mutually exclusive, they are tangled web as far as I’m concerned. I’ve never desired anonymity except when necessary to protect myself and loved ones. Thus far, I’ve never had a ‘one-night stand’ or meaningless hookup. Sure, I’ve met where the primary drive was sex, but the other elements of intimacy were still present to a degree.

        Sex is just so easy to come by, it in itself is a bore.

        I could just punch you right now if you weren’t hundreds of miles away 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      6. HA! You are hilarious. Also “sex a la carte” is the perfect name for a brothel or sex shop in the red light district.
        I think since I don’t understand the dynamic of dating sites etc it is easy for me to judge them as shallow and forced. I simply have not experienced it, so I really have no idea, but it seems like an inauthentic jumping off point (like, “hey we are both on here b/c we wanna have sex, anyways lets try and figure out what we have in common so it will be a step up from screwing a stranger”). Along with the whole sending photos thing. I feel like if I were ever to send photos of myself to someone it would be like Polaroid, undies, perfume package. Digital is so sterile!! Again, I am speaking from a place of COMPLETE inexperience from the online dating scene.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. You are 100% right about the online dating scene, and it sucks, but I don’t have a whole lot of choice to be honest. I don’t have the time or ability to do singles bars. Online dating is like an alien realm to real life. But, somethings are common, like a little of getting to know one another etc, they just take on different forms, and your intentions aren’t implied, they are up front and center.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. You laying in a hotel bed, awake staring at the ceiling, beautiful young girl laying next to you sleeping, her phone buzzes on the bedside table, a text from her mom that reads “Hey sweetie, remember to feed the dog when you get home from Sarah’s house” you read it, realize the gravity of your situation as you stare back at the ceiling, cut to black, “fake plastic trees” -radiohead starts to play, credits roll

        Liked by 1 person

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