The Dancer and The Doctor

It is so incredible being with someone who loves the same things as I do.

I recently graduated college with two undergraduate degrees. I have a B.A. in Dance, and a B.S. in Biomedical Science (premed). Very different, I know.  As you can see, my personality is very multidimensional. I was unsatisfied in my relationship because I felt like we had nothing in common. So, I broke up with BIRDIE after almost 6 years of dating. Quickly after that, I came to a (true or false?) realization that I was expecting too much from him. How could I expect one person to satisfy every aspect of my personality?

Smart, down to earth, romantic, but still goofy, creative, athletic, kind, loving, introspective but not too sensitive, opinionated, powerful but not controlling… Someone who I want to accompany me to the bar, in my truck driving around the USA, next to me eating breakfast in bed, at a concert, dancing at a club, reading books in the living room…

That’s not too much for a girl to ask… right?

I began spending time with different guys to satisfy the different aspects of my personality. For example, I would hang out with TALON if I wanted to go to a concert, drink, smoke and make smart jokes about literature and politics. I would hang out with SMALLS if I wanted to be romanced, lay in bed all day, feel like the center of the universe, the most beautiful and intelligent woman that ever existed. BARTENDER if I wanted to be whisked away, wined, dined and live a bougie life I never thought was possible. This worked for a while, although, in the first week of 2017 this carefully thought out lifestyle is coming to a head.

Meet DANCER and DOCTOR.

I have known both of them for about a year. I met DANCER when I was in college a few years ago, but started seeing him around October 2016. I also met DOCTOR when I was in college, and got reacquainted with him December 2016. They are my main squeezes as of 2017.

DANCER is flawless, kind, intelligent and wise in the world of the arts, outgoing and I have looked up to him as an artist for a very long time before I ever knew him (I am still starstruck by him sometimes). We go to shows together, he ceaselessly inspires me and never fails to cheer me up when I am in an artistic rut.

DOCTOR is self deprecating, smart, funny, sarcastic, tall and athletic (was a rower in college) and I feel so comfortable around him. I talk to him about the MCAT and med school. We share our fear and anxiety about the medical world as well as act like goofy fools together. We spent NYE and Jan 1st together, and I can’t get him out of my mind.

Having these two men taking up most of my heart these days, it feels like my personality and interests are being torn in half. I ask myself “what is there to complain about?” two handsome, funny, successful men are interested in me. Although by choosing one I feel like I would be invalidating half of who I am.

It seems like I should be made in the shade with lemonade but I am exhausted from going on so many dates. And at the end of the day, I still find myself alone. Neither DANCER nor DOCTOR live in Chicago. I long for the relationship I left. BIRDIE, a man that would love me no matter what I did, or where I moved, support my every pursuit. A man who is simple, kind and who’s most fiery passion in life was being in love with me. I always thought I would want someone I had more in common with. Either highly artistic or highly intelligent but when I am sick in my bed, alone,

all I want is someone who loves me.

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